I make pieces from a place of unconscious channeling of energies. When my pieces come together in their final form, I am just as shocked as everyone around me, and often at a loss for words about just what it is that I am seeing. So here is my attempt to articulate who this character is. I have honestly never felt so utterly transformed into another being, one who was so completely familiar. I was at home in this body.
The deer antler, protruding bones, ankles, teeth, ribs, in this pieces are symbolic of the energy of Lilith; primordial sexual aggression and anger. I related to the description of Lilith/Karina given to me by my friend Maria, "Karn" meaning "horn; horny, carn, carnivorous. The aspect of the female that would destroy the male first for unfulfilled libidal desires".
The spider is this pieces on top of the head is symbolic of myself in my role as creator. Early on my first knowing of another with my name was watching the movie Charlottes web when I was 5, obviously imprinting me deeply. I also feel energy within myself and around me, and around others as threads and webs. Walking through reality is quite interesting when you feel and see energy this easily. Spiders have many eyes, I feel aspects of my mind operate in ways to give me more eyes, a deeper level of perception than most. I experience visions often when meeting people for the first time in the way I perceive and understand them. I always balance what I can reveal to them regarding what I have seen.
The stripped horns/tentacles with bells attached to them are symbolic of the Native American figure of the Heyoka, the divine clown. I didn't know what I was looking at in the mirror, I understood it was some kind of child doll elf clown, but it was not until the next morning when I read ZEE was having a show with Heyoka, that it hit me. I remembered the word and having read about it, but never having seen a depiction of a Heyoka before. I googled it, and I found to my disbelief, they were drawn in ways exactly like this character I have made. Shocked I reached out to my friend Kara, who is of native blood. And this is what she told me regarding The Heyoka:" The bells symbolic of "bells/whistles to signify distraction/mindfulness, to see through the joksters tricks, horns- being related to myths associated with pan/god - mischevious- the one who transmutates".
I resonate with doing things backwards in order to find out the boundaries of what society will accept and point at it directly. Self-humiliating, self-sacrifice, and masochism are a big part of this energetically. My past with sexual abuse and domestic violence has culminated in this moment. It has always been seeping through the cracks in my work. It has already taken me so deeply into humiliation, causing my very psyche to fracture. The being who operates when triggered/abused is not the true being, it's a protective avatar. The being who escaped into a fantasy world through dissociation is the real being underneath. I, the robotic top layer speak on behalf of the other who speaks to me in visions. At this time, I witness the avatar state dying/shedding. The true layer bursting through like a newly formed snake. Humiliation, is a form of sacred clowning that allows me to destroy myself in order to be reborn. Masochism is a way for me to reclaim ownership of a body which was taken from me.
No matter how dark or uncomfortable those layers of your being are I encourage you to explore its darkest corners. I understand you. And I'm here for you.
Some artists make art to discover pieces of their soul, and by proximity the soul of humanity. I believe strongly that these sculptures are true shadow work. I use my art to deeply influence the web around me, so that my energetic imprint will outlive me. In a quiet but powerful hypnotic language that you can't resist perceiving because it's symbolic. I unveil to you my soul speaking directly to your soul.
I have been waiting all my life for this moment.
This is the incarnation beyond the mask in its most raw essence.
The fool is the most potent card in the tarot deck because he is a clean slate, because he can become anything.